Thursday, January 2, 2014

2013 In Review (Too Much Drama)

Well it's that time again when I reflect on the happenings of the previous year.  This year it's mostly about my personal drama.  2013 was full of incredible highs and devastating lows.  This seemed to be the year of reconnecting with family.  I also met, for the first time, three new step grandchildren.  What a blessing!  On the downside, I dealt with a lot of jealousy that took it's toll.

March was a particularly good month.  I was officially on a break from all cancer treatment.  Yippee! I got to see my stepdaughter and stepson, who I hadn't seen in 12 yrs.  It was then that I met Carmen, my two year old step granddaughter.  Against all odds, I became a dog owner again, taking possession of my stepdaughter's dog, Bruce.  

On the flip side, the cancer treatment sent me immediately into menopause, which to date is one of the worst things I've ever had to deal with.  I'm happy to report the worst of it is over.  Now I only have the occasional hot flash.

My stepdaughter and her daughter. Both are named Carmen.

Brucey, Brucey.

This year my doll play was a little less than previous years as I spent lots of time with my boyfriend, Calvin and Bruce.  Speaking of Calvin, we celebrated our one year anniversary in July, 2013.  Would you believe we broke up the same month.  Yeah.  It was sad, because he's such a great guy.  It wasn't a bad break up, so we are still friends.  

And this brings us to August.  From this point on is where most of the drama begins.  You guys know I'm not one for a lot of drama.  That's why my doll stories are somewhat tame.  But let the real life drama begin.  At the insistence of my ex-boyfriend, Wes (Tyler's dad), I had dinner with him.  This led to us giving our relationship another go.  We first dated in 2002 - 2004, when Tyler was 4 yrs old.  Tyler and his sister lived with their dad.  Their mom, who worked at night, lived a few miles away.  During those two years, the mom and I had our ups and downs.  This is where I confess that my character Melanie, is derived from the kid's mother.  No, her name is not Melanie.  As hard as I tried to get along with her, at the time, she made my life very difficult.  After the break up, she and I were more cordial, and she always introduced me as, "Tyler's second mom".  In 2009, after I got diagnosed, she was really there for me, encouraging me to hang on so that I could see Tyler play in the NBA.  So over the years, when Wes would try to get us back together, I would retreat.  Just the thought of dealing with "Melanie" again was enough for me to say no.  But a miracle happened.  "Melanie" got married this past summer.  So, I finally said I would give the relationship another try, thinking that as a newlywed, she would be too caught up in her own bliss to care about us.

Wes and I, August 2013

Around this same time is when I met another step granddaughter, Angelica, 14.  Oh my!  She and I hit it off like we had known each other forever.  It was agape love at first sight.  She was living with my ex-husband and he wanted me to spend Saturdays with her.  I was more than happy to do so.  She was so much fun and we had a lot in common. 

Angelica


One of the many passions we share is the love of animals.  And this brings me to Buttercup, my miniature Jack Russell terrier.  I met Buttercup in September and became aware that she was not being properly cared for.  After a few sleepless nights worrying about her, I decided to take action.  I rescued her, with the intent of finding her a new home.  I did not want to take on another dog, but as luck would have it, she fit in perfectly, and I decided to keep her.  As you are all aware, she gave birth to four puppies, 8 weeks ago.  More drama, as I didn't know she was pregnant until she began giving birth while in my arms.  So things seemed to be going well.  Angelica and I are having a great time.  I'm devoting my weekends to her, helping her with her school work, and exposing her to different activities.  I'm also spending time with Tyler, during the week.  So I'm a happy camper.

Angelica, myself, and Tyler

 Insert drama here.  Sometime in October, my ex-husband decides he no longer wants me to see Angelica.  He doesn't give a great reason, except that he needs to protect her from me.  She and I are both devastated.  Bottom line, my ex-husband became jealous of the friendship she and I had developed.  She had started asking to spend more time with me, and he couldn't handle it.  I was heart broken, but I respected his wishes.  She and I would speak on the phone when we could and I told her that our separation wouldn't be forever.

So I continued working with Tyler, in the meantime, trying to help him with his school work.  His dad decided to move to get Tyler into another school.  Luckily for us, this school actually allowed kids to have textbooks.  Imagine that.  So I was asked to tutor Tyler two days a week.  It was a little difficult at first because his basketball practice schedule was all over the place.  But I would accommodate the late hours and change the tutoring time to fit the practice schedule.  Still difficult, but I was committed to helping him improve his grades.

Me and Tyler headed to a function for his sister, Tyeshaa

Tyeshaa

Insert drama here.  All of a sudden, "Melanie" starts intentionally picking Tyler up from practice on the days he is supposed to have tutoring, and taking him to her house. As it turns out, she doesn't want me to tutor him.  This the woman who will ask me to take her son food after school, because he's hungry.  This the woman who will call and ask me to take him to school if she can't make it to his dad's house in time.  This the woman who introduces me as his second mom.  This the woman who has had me to her house and fed me.  But you don't want me to help him get better grades?  You have someone who is tutoring your son for free, and adjusting her schedule around his schedule, but you would rather he fail.  

Below is a picture of me and Tyler's mom at a function we attended in early November.  This would be the equivalent of Danielle and Melanie taking a picture together.  As you can see, we are very friendly to each other, and I was considering her a friend.  She even introduced me as "Wes' future wife"  at this function.

Me (bad hair day) and "Melanie", Tyler's mom.

Needless to say, I was stressed out!  Between my ex-husband and "Melanie", I really felt like I was losing my mind.  How can someone, who is trying to give of her time and resources to help others, be treated so poorly?  Well, as I mentioned in my opening, this was all taking a toll on me.  My cancer numbers, that had been stable since March, started taking a turn for the worst in October.  Soooo, I'll be going back into treatment next month.  Yep, that really sucks.  

So how did it all end up?  Angelica moved back up to New York to live with her mom.  She and I spent two weeks together before she left.  We talk every other day.  She is due to come visit me this summer for a few weeks.

My ex-husband and I are no longer friends.  Nor are we speaking.  

I still tutor Tyler, but there are no set days.  I now work around his basketball schedule and his mother's issues.  I wanted to quit the job, but after he got a B on his last test, his dad wouldn't let me quit.  Without my help he got a 35 on his test.  With my help he got an 80 on the retest.  I guess you can't argue with results.

"Melanie" and I have not spoken to each other for about a month now.  She did however, ask me, through Tyler, if I could drive him to school since she wouldn't make it to his house in time.  Odd that she asked me, since his dad was there, too.  Drama.

I am thrilled that I got to reconnect with so many family members.  Even though they aren't blood relatives, I love them just as much.  

In 2014, I hope to keep reconnecting with family without all the drama.  I will continue doing doll stories.  Some may even have some drama involved.  I will continue cooking and baking in real life and in doll life.  We may see some more doll couples get married.  I have set a date of summer of 2015 for my own wedding.  I don't know who the groom will be just yet, but I'm putting it out in the atmosphere and seeing what happens.  Thanks for all the continued support.  I still enjoy reading your comments, and reading your blogs.  In this new year, I will probably have three days out of every week that I catch up on blog reading.  I'm looking forward to sharing more dolly stuff with you this year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!




53 comments:

  1. Oh,Vanessa, I wish You to find the perfect way and the perfect person and hope that Your dreams will come true!
    I think this year will be successful for those who work as hard as You and are sure of themselves. I would like to make and feel the same :)
    So good luck and a very Happy New Year!!

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    1. Rosemary Hill - Thanks for your well wishes. I want 2014 to be great, so I'm going to try to make it very special.

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  2. At the begging I was so happy to read that your cancer was stopped. Uhh, so pity you had all this stress. Please, try your best to be in a good spirit! When I was 12 my mother had very serious cancer, spent in hospital almost half of year, having radiation therapy, and even when she was bedridden for months, she was very postive about getting healthy again, and was fighting as hard as she could. Everyone one was preparing my sister and me for her death, my father, and school teachers were talking about it openly, but luckily she was a real fighter. Now, she is cancerfree since 21 years, and I couldn't be more proud of her and more happy too. Excuse me writting about this, I just want to tell you that I believe in you and I'm sure that you will win, just don't let any bad thoughts close to you.

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  3. Oh my goodness... you're ex husband is a pretty immature guy if he can't put a child's happiness before his own jealousy 0_0

    Regardless... it's really wonderful that you got to spend time in Angelica's life and brighten it, and that she gets to come visit you this summer... evidently her Mom isn't as crazy as your ex?

    I'm really glad to hear your cancer is toning down a bit too. That's awesome and I hope it stays away!

    I know we all post dolly blogs and such, but it's really great hearing about personal things sometimes too... and you're obviously a bright spot in Tyler's life as well, so I'm glad you'll still get to tutor him!!

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    1. Heather - My ex has abandonment issues and they rear their ugly head at the most inopportune times. Unfortunately, my cancer is now active again and I will be doing treatment to get it back under control. It's amazing what stress can do in such a short period of time.

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  4. 2013 was a real mouthful! Thank God for new mercies and second chances!
    Welcome 2014!!

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  5. Hello from Spain: I am happy to read that you're very good of your health problems. I see that you're very pretty in the pictures. You're much prettier than "Melanie", Tyler's mom. She is jealous of you. You're a nice, cheerful and loving person. You deserve to be happy and that a man loves you very much. I wish that in 2014 all your dreams come true. I also want to continue to enjoy your blog. Of the themes of the dolls and your life. Happy 2014. Keep in touch.

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    1. Marta - Thanks for your well wishes for 2014. My goal is to get back to the basics of being happy. I'm choosing to be happy, regardless of the drama going on around me.

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  6. I am so very sorry you had to go through all this Vanessa. Sometimes regardless to how you help give to a person it is never ever enough! No wonder you ended back in treatment.
    2014...time to give to Vanessa now, I hope this year bring to you more peace...peace of mind and contentment. Take care of yourself my great friend. Sending Our Regards,
    Loretta & James

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    1. Loretta - Thanks for your 2014 wishes. It was my goal to give of myself and help others as much as possible. It's a shame that my efforts were so under appreciated. This year will be different.

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  7. Hola, animo, seguro el 2014 sera mejor, la vida da vueltas y seguro sera muy bonita para, trata de estar tranquila, tu puedes, un beso y un abrazo muy fuerte.

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    1. lindaivette - Gracias por los buenos deseos. Voy a tratar de seguir tu consejo y ser menos stessed en 2014. Muchos abrazos.

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  8. Vanessa ,i am sorry to hear about all your stress ,i believe that you are a strong person continue to fight the cancer .I just want to give you my new years greeting .Hold on to what matters most to you ,stay away from negative people and try not to drag so much stress into the New Years and may the rest of year be filled with joy not sadness.

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  9. Sounds like you've had a bunch of ups and downs to contend with, wishing all the best for 2014!

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    1. Eve - Thanks so much for the well wishes. You are right about the ups and downs. Being with the kids was like a dream come true. Their parents/guardians were nightmares.

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  10. Wow, definitely a lot of drama in 2013. Sorry to hear how it affected your health, but will keep you in my prayers. I am now 3 years out from my cancer diagnosis and my numbers are all looking good, and I hope yours will turn around as well. Look forward to more dolly stories from you in 2014.

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    1. Phyllis - Thanks for the prayers. I'm thrilled to hear that you are doing well. I'm going to stay positive because I know that always helps with the healing. Happy New Year!

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  11. Whew! 2013 was some year for you, Vanessa. It is good you were able to reconnect with some people and help those that you could. I hope 2014 will be a better year with less drama, strife, and envious people.

    I am convinced that some people are toxic and should be avoided. Their ill will is not worth the toll it has on your well being.

    dbg

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    1. DBG - I will not be repeating what happened in 2013, in 2014. I don't even know how I let it happen in the first place. I know the effects of negative people and I've stayed away from them for a long time. I'm getting back to that philosophy.

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  12. Despite all the drama that ensued, it sounds like there was alot of high points in the year that hopefully outweigh the bad. I'm sorry about all the stress and health problems that occured in the year, but hopefully you will just keep rising up in this new year! From bad, only good can come out. Wishing you all the best and looking forward to this year!

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    1. Verona - There were a lot of high points, that I am truly grateful for. I plan to have more high points than low points this year. Happy New Year!

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  13. 2014 will bring you great things, better health, and many blessings. That is my prayer for you. I agree with Debbie that toxic people should be avoided. Your health and happiness is much more important. Do you, Vanessa. You are your star player. Looking forward to your awesome storytelling.

    Huge hug))))))

    Vickey

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    1. Georgia Girl - Thanks for blessing my 2014. I will look back at this entire post and all the comments if I get off track this year. Happy New Year!

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  14. Happy New Year Vanessa! I'm sending you a toast to new beginnings and the ending of old drama!
    I admire you for making a difference in the lives of those children. You've most definitely been a blessing to them even if their parents are too immature to realize it. Keep doing what you can for them, but remember, you can only help them if you maintain your health. So, as hard as it may be Vanessa, put yourself and your health first. I'm giving you the same pep talk I give my mom. I'm praying for you! May this be your greatest year ever!

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    1. Veda - Thanks for the new year toast! I needed that. I will do better at taking care of my health this year. I had been so diligent at keeping out the negative. Now I will get back to that mentality while still trying to help as much as I can. Happy New Year to you and your mom.

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  15. Wishing you the best for 2014, Vanessa. I pray that your cancer numbers improve and that you continue to enjoy being with your loved ones.

    Looking forward to reading your future posts. Thanks for setting a positive role model to the young and the old ;-D

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    1. D7ana - Thanks for the new year wishes. I'm looking forward to getting back to those things that make me happy, mainly my dolls and the stories. Happy New Year.

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  16. Vanessa, so sorry to hear about your health troubles. It's really true that stress and unhappiness can really affect you physically. Ken is always telling me to not let things that happen make me ill, but it's easier said than done.Make sure you laugh when you can. It really does make a difference.When my heart was being a problem because my Dad was causing me so much stress, (He has dementia, and we had him living with us until it became impossible to look after him 24 hours a day.), I had to put on some comedy and laugh, just to stay healthy.Your body needs those endorphins, so laugh,love,and exercise all you can. And remember, you have loads of people, who have never even met you, who care.

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    1. Tam - Thanks for sharing your story. You are right about the comedy, and up until 4 months ago, I watched only shows that made me happy. I got out of that habit, but I will get back to it this year. I wish you and your family the very best in 2014.

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  17. Sounds like 2013 was quite a year. Like so many others reading your blog, I will be praying for you in all the situations you face. It is good to see you have such positive relationships with your stepgrandchildren (what an improvement in Tyler's grades - having someone to help makes such a difference). Everyone else is giving you very good advice, just remember we all do care for you.

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    1. Carrickters - Lots of ups and downs. It ended on a high note because Tyler got an 88 on his algebra final. We worked hard this past weekend and it paid off. I feel like you guys are family and that's why I just needed to vent to you guys, knowing you would all make me feel better. Happy New Year!

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  18. I would tell you to kick all those people to the curb, but I think I may be presumptuous enough to say that you are not that kind of person... unlike myself, lol. You are gonna do you, but it's my sincere hope that you put yourself (and the puppies) first and don't let anyone or anything wreck your health. You deserve better than the Melanie's and ex's of this world.

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    1. Muff - Normally, I would be able to kick people to the curb. I got sidetracked because of the kids and my desire to do what was best for them. That will not be the case in 2014. I refuse to get back to the dire state I was in a couple of years ago, fooling around with crazy people. That ship has sailed and they will see a new Vanessa in 2014. My motto may be, "WWMD"? (What would Muff do?)

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  19. You are an amazing woman. Thanks for sharing. I am wishing you all the best in 2014, you earned it. Wishing you continued success with your health.

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    1. Male Doll World - Thanks so much for your kind words and your well wishes. Happy New Year!

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  20. What a year you've had Vanessa. Geez! It's great that you were able to reconnect with family. Blood relations or not, if you love them, they're family. You've made a huge difference in those children's lives by helping them, loving them and spending quality time with them. The so-called "adults" just need to grow up and get over themselves. How immature to be jealous of a child for heaven's sake! But I also agree with others here - you need to take care of yourself first because if you get sick, you can't help others. And you're important too. Take care of yourself, and may 2014 be awesome for you! :-)

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  21. Dear Vanessa, I wish you a great 2014, and a good health, keep enjoying the good people and things in your life, and take care of yourself. Lots of Love sent from Belgium :-) x Nymphaea

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    1. Nymphaea - Thanks so much for your well wishes. I wish you the very best as well. 2014 will be a much better year. I am claiming it right now. Happy New Year!

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  22. wow, you could have your own reality show with your exes, their exes, throw the step kids in the mix and the grans! Please focus on YOU for a change, you are a gorgeous woman and the menz be fools not to treat you good and snap you up!

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  23. I think I'm okay with Darius getting married in 2015 if it's him. We're good. I was trying to give "Melanie" and chance, never was feelin' her - now I'm really not.

    On the real - glad for the good things for you in 2013 - hate it that you have to start back on cancer treatments. But whatever it takes to keep you well. Happy New Year to you Vanessa!

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    1. Kenya - I have no idea who will be getting married in 2014. I just know that you will need to do a lot more funny posts this year. Your funny posts always made me feel great. I need to go read my Christopher Chronicles, so I can get my belly laugh on. Happy New Year!

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  24. I think you have a wondewrful family. you´re very lucky ;)
    I´m happy to know you´re good of your health problems. I hope you can get your dreams, Happy New Year!!

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    1. Ana - Thanks. The kids made me very happy this year. I'm hoping the new cancer treatments will work quickly, so I can get back to being healthy again. Happy New Year!

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  25. You put it out into the atmosphere and it's ALREADY DONE! Now, concentrate on you. Don't allow these crazy folks & their drama to stress your nerves. Next time you're out shopping for dolls try looking for a few voodoo ones accompanied with extra long pins! I'm just saying..lol

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    1. Sonya - It shall be done! Amen. LOL about the voodoo dolls. I think I will just ignore them from now on, or speak my peace as soon as they start with their nonsense. I was walking on egg shells the past trying not to rock any boats. This year I am going to be tipping them over and not helping anyone get out of the water.

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  26. Rak to straszna choroba. Przykro mi, że dotknął ciebie. Historie, które piszesz dowodzą, że jesteś wnikliwym i ciepłym człowiekiem. Powodzenia w walce. Jeśli będzie Ci smutno napisz do mnie. Obiecuję odpisać. Buziaki ;D Nie jesteś sama.

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    1. ciocia Lusia - Wielkie dzięki za troskę. Robiłem dobrze od kilku lat i mam zamiar wrócić do dobrze. Będę musiał zachować szaleńcy dalej. Dzięki za odwiedzenie mojego bloga. Szczęśliwego Nowego Roku!

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  27. jewel snake - Thanks for sharing your story about your mom. I know how important it is to stay positive and believe that it will all be okay. I am working hard to take the extra stress out of my life. If I have to go back to it just being me and my dolls, I will do that.

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  28. Grandmommy - Yay for a new year to start all over again. I'm claiming that this year will bring lots of happiness to me and those around me.

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  29. sarah - Those are great new year wishes. I will cherish those and try to heed them in 2014. I wish the same for you. Happy New Year.

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  30. Cindi - Connecting with the kids was by far the highlight of the year. As long as I can get my numbers back under control, it will have been worth it. I started 2014 off on a great foot by meeting you and Marianne. Here's hoping the rest of the year is just as enjoyable.

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  31. pattidolls - I've always wondered if all the fights were real on some of those reality shows. I can say for sure the producers would not have to do much egging on if you put all of those people on a show. Thanks for your kind words about the menz. I keep running into men who are so used to having bad relationships, they don't know how to handle my desire to do what it takes to have a happy relationship.

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